Relationships | What goes on behind closed doors

Hey everyone,

I was quite hesitant about writing this post and my reason for it is;


1. I'm not looking for sympathy - but to share my experience with others in/who have been in the same position know they are not alone


2. I feel like it's closure as theirs a lot of things I've kept to myself


When it comes to relationships, couples can look so happy on the outside but you never know what goes on behind closed doors, and I think girls especially, when they love someone their more hesitant to not tell their friends certain things about their other half because they don't want them thinking bad of someone they love and we always defend them no matter what - it's easier to think of all the good reasons to stay with someone but when the negatives outweigh the positives is it really worth it?


Its crazy to think how happy, confident and positive I am today compared to a year or two ago. In my 1st year of Uni I met this guy who I became so close with, best friends, and I thought, I've had a lot of close people in my life but no one has come near to this. I remember one time I had the flu really bad & couldn't get out of bed at Uni, and he came and left medicine outside my door because I didn't want to open it in the state I looked. And another, I was at a club very drunk & called him crying as I had lost everyone, and he picked me up, brought me a jacket and took me home and put me to bed. I thought I was so lucky to have someone like this in my life.

Then it all changed when we ended up in a relationship together a year later. I think back now and the person he was when we were friends, I could love everyday, and the person he was when he was my boyfriend was completely different.

I've had guys hurt me before, but isn't going out with your best friend better? You think they know you inside out, you feel comfortable with them, and you don't need to worry about them hurting you in a way that other guys might.

Quickly things changed, he became controlling, negative, he constantly put me down about myself and nothing he said about my looks, personality, anything to do with me was positive. I'd gone from being a happy confident person who felt 100% comfortable in front of him, to not being able to look him in the eyes when he was near me because I felt like I looked ugly. I didn't understand, because I showed him so much love, I was always their for him. I think when people who always put you down is an insecurity within themselves, because friends, other halves, are mean't to support you, and make your life better and positive, not make you feel so bad about yourself.


Besides always putting me down, he brainwashed me into thinking the only real person I had in my life was him. My number was changed so he knew when I had given someone my number, he tried to turn me against my own friends saying they had been speaking to him and I didn't know who my real friends were (however I don't doubt my best friends one bit so I never believed him). To this day my own friends don't even know, but when we argued sometimes he would hit me. And he would tell me he would never speak to me again if I went clubbing or if I didn't do what he said.

It sounds silly because you think why wouldn't I just leave him. But he had made me feel so alone thinking I only had him, that I would of rather stayed with him, and of course, deep down I did love him - besides the way he acted, because of the friendship we originally had, I was holding on to that person I thought he was. "You have no-one but me, i'm the only real person in your life, you don't even know your own friends". 

Eventually, we broke up. But he would still call me every minute of the day and just wouldn't allow me to move on, "your mine, your not allowed to talk to boys".

I remember in June when I got my Uni results it was such a happy day for me and I called him saying I got a 2:1 - and his reply was, you should of worked harder.

After University finished, I went on holiday with my girls, and everything changed from then on. I had such an amazing time and completely forgot about him. I came back and thought only I can make myself happy, I don't need someone who constantly brings me down.

I started going out more, talking to people who made my life better and positive, who inspired and motivated me to want to be a better person and do better in life. I thought I don't need him and his negativity - he adds nothing to my life.


To this day, we don't really talk. He calls me now and then but I don't answer, if I do, I end up hanging up because he says something negative. It's sad because I really do miss the friendship we had, but I've learn't in life you need to surround yourself with positive people in order to live a happy life.

The reason I have my blog today is because my friend motivated me to do something I would like to help my career, and my other friend has her own blog and helped me make mine - this is the kind of people you need in your life.

Don't ever let anyone tell you something negative about yourself - friends lift you up. Don't be afraid to let go of something that you know deep down is no good for you - I wish I did sooner. My life is so happy and positive now.

(That's a lot off my chest!) I hope this can make others feel better about any situation they may be in. Thanks for reading :)

12 comments

  1. What a brave and motivational post to write. As a friend and a fellow blogger, I totally understand how hard it is to share something so personal.. And I hope/know you can help at least one person with this post! What you said is totally right- no one needs negativity in their life! <3

    Laura

    Laurathinksabout.blogspot.co.uk

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  2. I don't know you and I feel so proud of you! Good for you for getting rid of this clearly negative influence!

    Lilies and Lipbalm
    xx

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    Replies
    1. thanks so much that means a lot! :) xx

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  3. How strong you are to write this post! Blogging has always been very therapeutic for me, I am glad that you have joined the community! I made a promise to myself to stay more dedicated to my blog this year- I love how everyone on here motivates each other! Xo

    Beauty By Rhenicia | Bloglovin' | Instagram | Snapchat : BeautByRhenicia

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  4. Aw thank you! I agree, I love that everyone is so motivational and nice on here, definitely will keep blogging up :) xx

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  5. I can relate so completely to this. You did well to get out of it!
    Happy new year! Let's make it a better one :)

    Your newest subscriber,
    www.katelouise-matthews.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Definitely, onwards and upwards from here, makes you stronger as a person :) xx

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  6. Such great post, I truly agree! Lets make 2016 a positive year.

    Kisses,
    BLOG | Taislany

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  7. I'm sorry you had to go through this and well done for sharing your story as it must have been difficult. Nobody deserves to be treated like that and you deserve so much better. I hope 2016 is a better year for you :)

    Sami x | Daisy Daydreams

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    Replies
    1. Aww thank you that means a lot :) you too xx

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